“Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam”
Friday 8pm, Disney Channel
It’s the sequel to the hit 2008 made-for-TV movie, which was itself a pale imitation of Disney’s wildly popular “High School Musical” franchise. Demi Lovato and the Jonas Brothers return as a bunch of musically gifted teens who geek out at band camp and get involved in chaste, chemistry-free romances. This time there’s a rival camp, one that’s apparently bad because it’s “slick” and less about the music than it is about the image. Given that this is a Disney Channel movie featuring bland, soulless automatons as “rockers,” I have to believe that somebody behind the scenes was intentionally shooting for subversive. The alternative is too soul crushing to consider, much like the music of the Jonas Brothers.
“The 100 Greatest Artists of All Time”
Monday 10pm, VH1
The pop-culture channel has already revealed its top five “Greatest Artists,” though not in order: The Beatles, Bob Dylan, Michael Jackson, Led Zeppelin, and the Rolling Stones. I will never understand the industry’s decades-long fellatio of Bob Dylan. Surely someone’s mouth must be cramping at this point, and it sure ain’t Mumbly Bob’s. Other notable placements: Elvis at No. 8, Nirvana at 14, and Madonna as the sole woman in the Top 20, in 16th place. So 300 million records sold and three decades of cultural relevancy land you in the back half of this Top 20, while a monotonous dinosaur who once released music exclusively through Victoria’s Secret ends up in the Top 5? I’m ready to Soy Bomb this list.
“I Married the Beltway Sniper”
Monday 10pm, MSNBC
In October 2002 the “Beltway sniper” terrorized Maryland, northern Virginia, and Washington, D.C., killing 10 people and injuring three others. The random nature of the attacks, which occurred in the open, outside of gas stations, grocery stores and shopping malls, with no apparent connection between the victims, sent the area into hysteria; anyone could be next, at any time. Eventually John Allen Muhammad and a minor, Lee Boyd Malvo, were arrested and convicted; Muhammad was put to death in November 2009, while Malvo is currently serving six consecutive life sentences. This new documentary examines the case, with interviews with the lead investigator, a shooting victim, and Muhammad’s ex-wife, who speaks about his descent into madness.