Virginia politicians were just too darn easy to lampoon in 2009

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Virginia politicians were just too darn easy to lampoon in 2009

Well, here we are, poised at the starting gate of another fantabulous year. As we dream wistfully about all of the possible political story lines of 2010 (the return of George Allen? A Ken Cuccinelli-imposed Christian caliphate?), we can only hope that it will be half as exciting and eventful as the year gone by. And so, before we plunge headlong into the terrible tens, we’d like to pause and relive some of our favorite moments from the past 12 months. As always, we encourage you to play along at home.

Ken Cuccinelli

1)    House Minority Whip Eric Cantor got a high-profile start in 2009 by ensuring that no Republican U.S. Representative voted for President Obama’s stimulus plan. What did he claim that “just saying no” would give the GOP?

  A)  “A recalcitrant reputation”
  B)  “A shot in the arm”
  C)  “A kick in the ass”
  D)  “Excellent practice for the annual intern mixer”

  2)    In March 2009, then-Republican Party Chairman Jeff Frederick found out that State Senator Ralph Northam was about to switch parties, costing Democrats the majority. What did he immediately do?

  A)  Reward Northam with a promise of unlimited primary campaign funds
  B)  Switch parties himself, stating “two can play at that game!”
  C)  Send out a gloating Tweet, thereby alerting the Dems and torpedoing the deal
  D)  Buy the entire senate a round of
    Jell-O shots

  3)    In April, what had political tongues wagging at the 61st annual Shad Planking festival?

  A)  The absence of gubernatorial candidate Creigh Deeds
  B)  The dearth of Terry McAuliffe signs
  C)  Lieutenant Governor Bill Bolling’s ill-advised decision to streak the stage
  D)  The last-minute addition of Chilean Sea Bass to the menu, necessitated by 2009’s catastrophic shad harvest

  4)    When candidate Bob McDonnell tried to connect with voters by calling himself “sort of unemployed,” what did his opponents point out?

  A)  That he was still collecting residuals from multiple appearances on “The 700 Club”
  B)  That he had actually applied for state unemployment benefits, despite his opposition to extending funding for the program
  C)  That he also lived with his mom and drove a broken-down Pacer
  D)  That he was receiving a regular paycheck from a Virginia Beach
    law firm

  5)    Where did Eric Cantor hold the first (and, as far as we know, only) meeting of his National Council for a New America?

  A)  Chuck E. Cheese
  B)  Pie-tanza
  C)  Hard Rock Cafe
  D)  The Tool Shed

  6)    What theme did McDonnell, Bolling and Cuccinelli apply to their first joint campaign swing?

  A)  “Just Say Yes”
  B)  “Keep the Change”
  C)  “Here’s the Beef”
  D)  “Lock Up Your Daughters”

Eric Cantor

  7)    What did Creigh Deeds do immediately after winning the Democratic gubernatorial primary?

  A)  Start referring to himself as “The Deedinator”
  B)  Depart for a two-month vacation in Antigua
  C)  Move his campaign headquarters out of Charlottesville
  D)  Formally concede the general election

  8)    What did Republican General Assembly candidate Catherine Crabill suggest her supporters turn to if they didn’t win at the ballot box?

  A)  “The soapbox.”
  B)  “The squawk box.”
  C)  “The bullet box.”
  D)  “A sane candidate.”

  9)    In the closing days of the campaign for governor, McDonnell supporter Sheila Johnson landed in hot water for making fun of Creigh Deeds’ what?

  A)  Name
  B)  Stutter
  C)  Haircut
  D)  Body odor

10) What did Ken Cuccinelli brandish at his election night victory party?

  A)    A broom labeled “McBollinelli”
  B)    A shotgun labeled “Shannon Shooter”
  C)     A torch labeled “Constitution Kindling”
  D)    A cricket bat labeled “Who’s Your Daddy?”

Answers: 1-B, 2-C, 3-A, 4-D, 5-B, 6-A, 7-D, 8-C, 9-B, 10-A

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