Just say no

Just say no

Ace, I live out in Zions Crossroads and am thoroughly sick and tired of having to drive either into town or down to Forest Lakes for a gym. Any word on whether with all this new development there is an ACAC or other gym planned in the Crossroads?—Mrs. Hermussles

Mrs. H: Ace has never been one to mince words, so he’ll just cut to the chase. To answer your question, he called Steven Biel, Fluvanna County’s director of planning and community development, who basically said (all in one breath), “No.” And though he is a man of few words, that wasn’t all Biel said. Right now, Louisa County is the area with the most advancement (of the areas with which you’re concerned). There’s a lot of development there compared to Fluvanna, which is mostly commercial. Fluvanna is making progress, Biel says, but it has no plans for a gym or other recreational facility at this time.

If you live in Zions Crossroads, getting to a gym is its own kind of workout. And that’s not about to change anytime soon.

Now, as Ace does not like to be the bearer of bad news, he did a little research just for you, Mrs. H. What he found out may not be exactly what you’re looking for, but it’s closer than driving into Charlottesville. Just five miles down the road (in Palmyra) you can find Curves, Health Nutz Fitness & Aquatic and Armstrong Fitness Inc. What a delightful smorgasbord of recreational facilities from which to choose! Also, coming in at just one mile closer than Charlottesville’s ACAC is Gordonsville Health & Fitness, which is only 13 miles from your front door. Of course, if you’re really not in the mood to drive anywhere (and, if that’s the case, Ace is beginning to sense that you may not be as fully committed to exercising as he once thought), you could always resort to running around the block for your cardio, and following that up with a nice yoga session in your living room. Ace has always been fond of working out in the privacy of his own home, where it’s easier to find the Tanqueray afterwards. The prospect of sweaty strangers surrounding him while he puts in 20 minutes with the ThighMaster is enough to put him off exercising for, well, ever.

Ace realizes that the options he’s provided may pale in comparison to what you’re used to, but he’d also like to remind you that when Ace’s grandfather was a boy, he had to travel uphill both ways to get to the gym. And he had to tote his own weights. In the snow. Without a lifejacket. …Actually, discount that last part. Ace thinks that went with a story about the Titanic.