You know, there was a time when we thought we might get sick of writing about Virginia’s Fifth-District U.S. congressman, anti-immigrant crusader, and all-around bloviating brainiac, Virgil H. Goode. But you know what? We were wrong. Like an alcoholic coming to terms with his addiction, we’ve realized that we’re powerless in the face of the man’s obnoxious motor mouth, and we tremble in anticipation of yet another inflammatory and embarrassing comment for us to write about.
We just love stirring the (melting) pot when it comes to ol’ Virgil Goode, who greets today’s immigrants with anything but open arms.
Well, it looks like The Odd Dominion’s patron saint is once again on the warpath, furthering his quest to annoy and offend as many individual voters as he possibly can before the 2008 election. And so, in honor of the man’s most recent, erm… pearls of wisdom (see below), we’ve decided to take a touching look back at all the ways Goode has distinguished himself over the past few years. Play along, won’t you?
1) In a recent interview with the Richmond Times-Dispatch, what did Representative Goode have to say about Virginia restaurants that fly the Mexican flag?
a) “It don’t bother me too much, long as they’re flying Old Glory, as well.”
b) “Look, you don’t go down to Mexico and find ’em hanging the Stars and Stripes outside McDonald’s, do you?”
c) “That riles me. If you want to be part of America, fly the American flag!”
d) “Damn thing doesn’t make any sense! You got an eagle standing on a cactus eating a snake, and that’s supposed to make me want a burrito?”
2) What did Goode tell Fox News about President Bush’s recent immigration bill?
a) “I can’t even read the damn thing—it’s all written in Mexican, far as I can tell.”
b) “Now, you know I support the President, Brit, but I think maybe he’s been spending too much time in the Crawford sun.”
c) “Guest workers, schmest workers! When I need lawn work done, I pay my wife to do it!”
d) “We’re turning more over to Canada and Mexico, and I do not like that. It’s a destruction of our sovereignty.”
3) Which cartoon character did Jon Stewart recently compare Goode to on “The Daily Show”?
a) Jessica Rabbit
b) Foghorn Leghorn
d) Fritz the Cat
4) In a USA Today editorial defending the controversial anti-Muslim letter he sent to constituents, Goode revealed what about his interior decorating sensibility?
a) “I have Thomas Jefferson’s copy of the Quran on my desk as I write this, and I can assure you that the pages remain uncut and unread.”
b) “If Representative Ellison were to enter my office right now, he would probably trip over the gilded copy of the King James Bible I use as a doorstop.”
c) “The Ten Commandments and ‘In God We Trust’ are on the wall of my office, and I have no intention of displaying the Quran in my office.”
d) “My office window has a clear view of the Pentagon, and on the morning of September 12, 2001, I removed the curtains and replaced them with an American flag.”
5) In recent interviews, Goode has warned that Diversity Immigrant Visas will allow what kind of people into the United States?
a) People “not from European countries.”
b) People from “some terrorist states.”
c) People from “the wrong side of the river.”
d) All of the above
5) During a House debate on the Iraq war, Goode claimed that radical Muslims wanted to replace “In God We Trust” on American currency with what phrase?
a) “In Allah We Trust.”
b) “In Osama We Trust.”
c) “In Muhammad We Trust.”
d) “In God’s Eye We Spit.”
Answers: 1 (c), 2 (d), 3 (b), 4 (c), 5 (a) & (b), 6 (c)