From here to teenager: Those lesser-known parenting milestones

From here to teenager: Those lesser-known parenting milestones

Age 6 months: Finally sleeps through night.

Age 9 months: Stops sleeping through night.

Age 1: Finally sleeps through night. I mean, sometimes?

Age 1.5: Can eat all allergen foods. Wait, except peanuts. No, wait, do you now introduce those before 1? Gah.

Age 2: Potty trained. Just kidding.

Age 3: Preschool! Everyone in household comes down with cold that will last for next 10 years.

Age 4: Stops sucking thumb. Just kidding.

Age 5: Kindergarten! Even though you couldn’t wait, spend all of week one sobbing over baby pictures.

Age 6: Rides a bike. Or did that one time. Now scooters exclusively.

Age 7: Lies on floor every afternoon sobbing over math worksheet that would take six minutes to complete if they would actually do it. On the other hand: WHY DO THEY HAVE HOMEWORK.

Age 8: Wants a phone.

Age 9: Wants to read The Hunger Games, and
you let them because at least it’s not a phone.

Age 10: Can finally tie shoes. Not that they have ever before now had shoes that weren’t slip-ons.

Age 11: Middle school! Overnight they have B.O. and pimples.

Age 12: Suddenly actually really fun to watch their sports games.

Age 13: Teenager! Even though you couldn’t wait, spend all of week one sobbing over baby pictures.

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