“2006 Teen Choice Awards”
Sunday 8pm, Fox
As co-hosts, Jessica Simpson clings to the remaining shreds of her B-level career while comedian Dane Cook tries to convince us that he’s interesting enough for even that much fame. (He’s really not.) The show recognizes what teens think is cool. Which….isn’t that all MTV does anymore? Anyway, nominees include Alyssa Milano, Adam Sandler, Chad Michael Murray and a bunch of other people you don’t care about. The only reason to tune in is the live TV debut of Mr. Britney Spears, Kevin Federline, who will perform a song off his upcoming album. Oh, this should be delicious. Please let him sing “Popozao”!
“Flavor of Love 2”
Sunday 10pm, VH-1
So far Season 2 of Flavor Flav’s love contest has featured a full-on hair-pulling, face-punching catfight, multiple allegations of lesbianism, a complete psychotic break and a grown woman literally taking a crap on a floor. And that was only the first episode! Our man Flav has picked him some hoopty women this time around, possibly because he clued into the fact that he had no shot with any of last year’s finalists once the cameras went away. But these “ladies” sure do make for some great TV. Some frontrunners have emerged, including Buckwild (hideous, but entertaining), Buckeey (our new New York, I think) and lispy amateur stripper Nibblz. I’m also partial to perennially drunk Toastee. Never have I seen such trash, and never have I loved it so much.
Monday 9pm, Fox
Fox continues the smart strategy of rolling out its new season early. And once again the net’s new Monday night entry looks to be one of the best of the year. Following in the footsteps of lead-in “Prison Break,” “Vanished” is a topsy-turvy, season-long mystery. The plot concerns the abduction of a senator’s wife, and after a little digging all kinds of spooky conspiracies start to emerge. (Don’t they always?) The excellent cast features a bunch of supporting actors getting a crack at the big time, including “Queer As Folk”’s Gale Harold, “E.R.”’s Ming-Na, “NYPD Blue”’s Esai Morales, and Urban Legend’s Rebecca Gayheart.