Lifeguards and physicists wanted

Looking for a job? Although we’re facing the prospect of an economic recession (just saying the word will make it come to pass, some experts tell us, so our apologies for tanking the economy), the Charlottesville area has the economic cushion provided by UVA, which, it seems, is perpetually hiring.

So not to worry, job seeker. The University’s jobs site is full of opportunities, and we’ve cherry-picked the best jobs just for you.

Do you look fabulous in a bathing suit and don’t mind living on $25,000 a year in Charlottesville? Is there a primo job for you! UVA is looking for lifeguards, 40 hours a week, hourly pay. Just two major requirements: Better be up on your CPR, and your name had better not pop up on the Sexual Offender Registry. After all, you are working semi-naked.

Looking to put that Ph.D. in media studies to good use, but don’t want a job in the media (and who does, when it comes right down to it)? The Department of Media Studies is looking to hire a tenure-track assistant professor. According to the site, the department seeks “candidates who will generate innovative and interdisciplinary scholarship in global or comparative media.” If you know what that means, you’re well on your way to landing the job!

Or if you want a more hands-on approach to the media, specifically the local variety, why not apply for the Director of Media Relations position? You’ll be overseeing a staff of nine, alternately pushing good news and stonewalling bad. The ability to multitask is a must.

If all of this sounds like too much commitment, and you really just need some money to support your songwriting/sonnet writing/Guitar Hero addiction, then this is the job for you: Temporary Telephone Interviewer. It pays $10.14 to $19.81 an hour, and all it requires is “a clear voice, pleasant telephone manner and ability to fluently read an interview script aloud from a computer screen.” Which, as we all know, is employer-speak for, “Just please don’t come to work high.”

And finally, on the other end of the UVA job spectrum, is the opening for an Assistant Professor of Physics—Experimental. It involves work in the “CMS experiment at the Large Hadron Collider and in the NOVA neutrino experiment at Fermilab.” Now, we don’t know exactly what this is, but it if you repeat these words 10 times very quickly, it starts to sound suspiciously like “Department of Defense.” At least that’s what our friend the Temporary Telephone Interviewer said.

C-VILLE welcomes news tips from readers. Send them to

Posted In:     News

Previous Post

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! [February 25]

Next Post

Mountain lion terrorizes Crozet [February 27]

Our comments system is designed to foster a lively debate of ideas, offer a forum for the exchange of ad hoc information, and solicit honest, respectful feedback about the work we do. We’re glad you’re participating. Here are a few simple rules to follow, which should be relatively straightforward.

1) Don’t call people names or accuse them of things you cannot support.
2) Don’t direct foul language, racial slurs, or offensive terms at other commenters or our staff.
3) Don’t use the discussion on our site for commercial (or shameless personal) promotion.

We reserve the right to remove posts and ban commenters who violate any of the rules listed above, or the spirit of the discussion. We’re trying to create a safe space for a wide range of people to express themselves, and we believe that goal can only be achieved through thoughtful, sensitive editorial control.

If you have questions or comments about our policies or about a specific post, please send an e-mail to

Leave a Reply

Notify of