Irish eyes aren’t smiling

What’s up, Ace? I was at McGrady’s this weekend and noticed a St. Patty’s Day poster above my table with horrible grammar. Who makes those signs?—Eddie Torre

Eddie: Firstly, how nice of you to inquire about Ace; so few people actually stop to consider the (albeit handsome) faceless man behind these words you read each week. Since you asked, many things are up. For instance, Ace just bought a new alarm clock and he’s tinkering with the idea of getting a goldfish.

But, to answer your question, Ace took a gander at this poster to which you refer with such concern. McGrady’s has a lot of posters, but Ace is pretty sure you’re troubled over the one that reads as follows:

“Marriage changes passion,
Suddenly your in bed
with a relative.”

Yes, Eddie, this is horrible. Not only is Ace appalled that there are people in this world who don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re” (ask Ace—ha!—if you haven’t a clue; he’s a rather excellent grammarian), but why does a capital “S” follow the comma after “passion”? Does the author fancy himself a poet? (As evidenced, his use of unconventional line breaks and random capitalization is staggering.) Or was the poster meant as a sort of social commentary on the power of alcohol to cloud one’s judgment? Or, just maybe, it was simply a mistake.

Ace called the Irish bar to get answers. They told him their distributor, Blue Ridge Beverage, based in Waynesboro, is responsible for any posters the restaurant gets. (Ace called BRB, but there was no answer.)

In the meantime, Ace conducted an informal survey and found that most local sign companies in town will go ahead and correct any mistakes in a customer’s copy they find on their own. Larry Beeson at Classic Signs told Ace, “If I notice it, I’ll ask [the company] if they made a mistake and then fix it.”

Still, Ace wonders about the lack of a call back from BRB. Is it the company’s way of waving the rhetorical white flag, so to speak? If so, that’s O.K., folks. Ace understands if “your” afraid to speak “you’re” piece.

You can ask Ace yourself. Intrepid investigative reporter Ace Atkins has been chasing readers’ leads for 18 years. If you have a question for Ace, e-mail it to ace@c-ville.com.

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