Home is where a Depot isn't

Dear Ace: There seems to be a Home Depot lurking around town somewhere. I get applications in the mail for their credit cards, frequent sales flyers, etc., but always without an address. I have one question: Where the hell is it?—S. Crue Driver

S.: If Ace had a hammer, he’d hammer in the morning. And he’d hammer in the evening. But, dear reader, Ace doesn’t have a hammer. Or a firepit. Or a gallon of Lemon Meringue semigloss. He doesn’t have these things, S., because despite the advertisements in your Daily Progress, there is no Home Depot in Charlottesville.

Ace agrees; this is peculiar. And frustrating! In fact, it’s a little like the time Ace thought he won a car with one of those mail-in contests from a local dealership, but when he got to the dealership, that “free” car was only “free” after he traded in the Acemobile. (Ace just couldn’t have that—the Acemobile goes with him everywhere.) …There’s always a catch.

Anyway, Ace thought maybe these ads were placed in The Daily Progress for a Home Depot on its way (“40% off patio sets…through August 2018!” they might say), perhaps in the coming Avon/Fifth Street shopping center, which C-VILLE has reported on, so he got in touch with Charlottesville’s Economic Development Director Aubrey Watts to see if maybe, just maybe, there was a Home Depot in the works for the ‘Ville.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Watts told him. Naturally, Ace then thought, Would there be someone who is aware of it? After a chuckle, which Ace took to denote Watts’ lack of frustration with Ace’s rudeness—phew!—Watts revealed that if there were a Home Depot (or any other home improvement store) slated to come to town, he’d know about it. Touche.

Of course, that doesn’t solve the mystery of those ads you keep seeing. So, Ace visited the Home Depot website, hoping to find a nearby store. As it turns out, that store you feel “lurking around town”—don’t look behind you!—is just 30 minutes away, in Waynesboro. But you could be receiving mixed signals; the website also informed Ace that there are Depots all over this land.

You can ask Ace yourself. Intrepid investigative reporter Ace Atkins has been chasing readers’ leads for 19 years. If you have a question for Ace, e-mail it to ace@c-ville.com.

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