Booty Call

Who you are

They call him “Bugs”: Mostly those of you willing to discuss your sex lives with complete strangers are young, single, straight and horny. And, as is true for the general population, slightly more than half of you are female. Seventy percent of survey respondents are between the ages of 21 and 35 and nearly 60 percent are single. Fully three-quarters of survey-takers identify themselves as hetero, with 10 percent claiming bi-sexuality and 7 percent homosexuality (10 people checked “other,” which suggests—what? Abstinence? Bestiality? We’re not going there…).

You don’t have kids (save for 65 parents in the entire survey), but that’s not for lack of opportunity: Sixty percent of you got some nooky (we assume with another person) within the week you filled out the survey. The number went up to 76 percent when we included those who had had sex within two weeks of completing the survey. Like we’ve said, someone should rename the place Bunny-ville. (The outliers in this category, by the way, were eight people who had been two years between copulations and five others who had gone a lonely five years since having a partner.)

Turn up the volume: On the question of sex partners, either there is a lot of K-Y jelly moving off the pharmacist’s shelves, or somebody is telling tales. (It reminds us of that joke about women making poor architects because they’ve always been told that this much is 12 inches.) Truly, are there a half-dozen people circulating out there who have had “more than 100” sex partners? Are there another 10 who have slept with more than 50 people? Those of you who have had between two and 20 partners equals, we swear, 69 percent. When counting just men, however, that figure drops to 58 percent. But it climbs to 76 percent when it comes to women who have had more than one and fewer than 20 lovers (and you thought she was just running out for bread and Diet Coke at Kroger!). Eight percent overall have had a sole sex partner to date.

As for the age of deflowering, most of you—56 percent—first tasted the petal of love between the ages of 15 and 19 (this fact didn’t vary significantly between men and women). Apparently those high school sex-ed classes achieved their implied purpose: to reduce the number of virgins enrolling in America’s colleges.

Trading places: When it comes to verbal blunders—you know, saying the wrong honey’s name to the naked sweetie in your arms—it’s a male problem. Men say they have done that twice as often as women claim to have done: 22 percent for the guys compared to 10 percent for the gals. But cheating knows no gender boundaries. Thirty-nine percent of men have borrowed sugar next door; 39 percent of women have had their wheels adjusted at another mechanic. (Our guess is 75 percent of all cheaters have run into their dental hygienist, dog-sitter or co-worker while running around in Charlottesville. Didn’t we tell you it’s a small town?)

Better safe than sorry? Remember that ancient story about all the men who got inside a Trojan? That would be a good concept to ponder, oh Charlottesville, as less than half of you are using condoms during sex. Hello? STD much? Unwanted pregnancy much? Did we miss the press conference when Donald Rumsfeld declared victory in the War Against Killer Viruses that Enjoy Traveling in Semen?

Even more stunning is the fact that fewer women than men say they use condoms: 35 percent compared to 50 percent.

Taking the half-full perspective, it is a fine thing that 45 percent of you rabbits generally are using birth control of some sort. But really: “Pulling out” as a form of contraception? Somebody’s been listening to a lot of “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.” Get a prescription, people. Let science do the work that Meat Loaf could not.

…with an order of “Biggie” fries: When it comes to breasts, men and women are equally indifferent to size, perhaps subscribing to the familiar adage that with mammaries, more than a mouthful is wasted. But the penis, we’re sorry to report, gents, benefits from no such equanimity. Of those who addressed the question (it was phrased for “ladies and gay men,”) 72 percent confirmed that size does matter.

New power generation: To an overwhelming degree, readers, you have not a) paid for sexual services, b) had sex with a person in a position of authority over you, or c) traded sex for material gain (well, there was that one time when floor seats for Phish at the Garden were at stake, but otherwise…). Of the small number of you who have paid for sex, you’re all men, which, to our mind, speaks to a marketplace issue. Note to new entrepreneurs: Consider a gigolo service

Desk job: We asked you to identify the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex. In a car on a highway was a favorite in this category, suggesting it’s more commonplace than weird. The surprise to us was the number of people with some variation on the answer, “on my boss’s desk.” One respondent said she did it on the executive desk with the executive boyfriend! Talk about insubordination. Other strangeness includes in a patch of poison ivy (visions of chafing!), an elevator, a computer lab, and—our favorite—Ruckersville.

Three’s company: The overwhelming response to the question under what circumstances you would have sex with someone is: after three dates. Possibly once you’ve exhausted the “What brought you here” topic over first-date drinks and the “What are your hobbies and dreams” conversation during dinner on the second date, the next logical query on the third date is “What do you look like naked?”

Among the small group of gays and bisexuals who answered the survey, a majority said they usually had sex with someone on the first date. That was also the answer for the self-proclaimed heterosexual member of the Century Club. Why waste perfectly good time that could be spent unzipping for the 114th time on needless niceties like conversation or a snifter of Frangelico and the promise of another encounter?

“Let’s just get started”: As we know, half of you are not using condoms. What we don’t know is if that’s a conscious decision you’re making based on what you know about your sex partners. People are talking about safe sex (for instance, “don’t get wet near an electrical outlet”), and slightly more than half of those conversations are occurring “once you’ve started messing around.” Among those of you who bring up the rubber question in the early rounds, that is, “as soon as one of you invites the other back,” men slightly eke out women. And of those who wait to discuss safe sex until they’re “enjoying a post-coital cigarette,” 90 percent are male, proving that Monday morning quarterbacking is not just for football anymore.

Clean talkin’, dirty livin’: Seems nobody out there is getting laid. Or at least you’re not calling it that. You equally prefer to refer to coitus as “making love” or “having sex” (gratefully, nobody said “coitus”). The other choices on the survey were “have intercourse” (one clinically-minded respondent took that answer) or “other,” which earned about five percent of your non-specific votes.

Not exactly the Cirque de Soleil: Flash back to 1986 and sing it with us now: “Sex is best when it’s…one on one.” According to the survey results, that’s how most of you do it most of the time: Merely 17 percent claimed that two is he greatest number of people they’ve had sex with at any given time.

“Maybe when I finish shopping online…”: Except for the youngest respondents, women answering the survey would like to have sex with their partners a couple of times a week. (The 21-25year olds are happiest with a daily dose of love.) Men, on the other hand, would generally like to have sex daily, regardless of their age. Women know this. Given the frequency with which readers are getting it on (see “They call him ‘Bugs,’” above), we can only conclude that the name of the game is compromise. Interestingly, women’s sex drive seems to increase again when they hit 40, judging from the small sample. Could there be a link between waning fertility and rising libido? Hmm…

Mouthing off: You like oral sex and you like talking about it, you cunning creatures! Not everybody answered every question, but for our query on how best to describe your opinion of oral sex, there was a 95 percent response rate. A couple of strays answered with our fourth choice—“It’s illegal in the State of Virginia and I am a law-abiding citizen.” Well hip, hip, hooray for law and order!

Sixty-seven percent of women say 69 is their favorite number. The guys dig the mutual pleasure option at a rate of 86 percent. Makes us consider that next year we should advance to the “swallow” question.

Bum rush: Like oral sex, anal sex too is illegal in the Commonwealth, but that doesn’t keep people from playing with the merchandise. While 31 percent of women reporting their opinion of anal sex said, “Get away from there, you filth bucket,” the rest professed acceptance at some level. Those willing to allow finger play totaled 28 percent. “Tickle my kiester” was the call of 19 percent of women, and 11 percent wanted it deep, deeper, deepest. Men had a slightly more, um, can-do attitude: Twenty-six percent said “No way,” and the remainder was divided almost evenly among “deep,” “fingers” and “tickle.”

Toys are us: It’s playtime in Charlottesville, and the survey says 45 percent of you are using sexual toys and aids to have fun. Another 38 percent rely on finger, lips and toes to get the job done. As for the rest of you…lighten up!

Smut hut: You don’t just like pornography, you sexy things, you love it! We asked if you viewed pornography, and more than 51 percent of you said, “View it? Does the word wallpaper mean anything to you?” Yes, what it means is you better switch screens, your boss is coming down the hall!

til you’re satisfied: Overwhelmingly men and women report being happiest simply having sex—alone or with a partner, it doesn’t matter. The feeling seems to be that if you’ve got the equipment, it’s best to use it. Carry on!

 

What you’d like to do

“Oh, Brad! Brad!”: On the subject of dreaming that you’re with another while wrapped in the arms of your lover, the odds are about even that you’ve done it. Forty-nine percent overall said they’ve fantasized that way. Women, however, are slightly more prone to do it than are men. We think of it as the Pitt Factor.

“You get the apron, I’ll get the feather duster”: There are plenty of actors in this town—and they’re not all appearing on stage! Again, the “yes” votes and the “no” votes were about even on the question “Do you ever play out your fantasies with your partner?” Forty-nine percent of respondents said they do it.

“Lock the door on your way out”: Needless to say, the other 51 percent prefer to fantasize when they’re alone. And whether you’re working that imagination solo or in company, you say you’re comfortable with your fantasies. That’s a relief!

Harry meets Sally again: Is it heartbreaking, unsurprising, funny or something else entirely to know that 55 percent of women admit they have faked orgasm? How do you feel about the fact that 5 percent of men have reported the same?

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but…”: Maybe you can’t handle the truth, but you want it anyway, ladies and gents. If their partner cheats on them, 78 percent of women want to know it. Two-thirds of men want the bad news, too. All we can say, considering that as reported above nearly 40 percent of respondents have cheated at some time, is “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” By the way, half of the people answering the question said they have fantasized about cheating on their partners. In the interest of full disclosure, must that be shared, too?

Keeping score: What exactly constitutes “cheating” anyway? There are a handful of you who feel betrayed if your partner has a drink alone with someone else, and about 4 percent who don’t much care for their lovers sharing personal feelings with someone else, either. Foot massages and back massages have 9 percent of you uneasy, but the numbers start raging when you get into genital massage, kissing and necking. More than 90 percent of men and women agree that oral sex constitutes cheating, and without exception orgasm is commonly understood as infidelity.

Whispers and moans: According to our survey, there’s a six out of 10 chance that talking will turn your partner on. But the question remains what to talk about. Sex—“dirty sex,” “noisy sex,” “touch-me-here sex”— was a common answer. But the human species takes many forms, and so do our turn-ons. When talk of “harder, faster” grows old, consider these suggestions from C-VILLE readers:

High-definition TVs

Housework

Politics

Current Events

And the Peloponnesian War.

 

PQ

With 76 percent of you having had sex within two weeks of completing the survey, someone should rename this town Bunny-ville.

If their partner cheats on them, 78 percent of women want to know it.

Women are slightly more prone than men to dream of another while in their lovers’ arms. Call it the Pitt Factor.

Like oral sex, anal sex is illegal in the Commonwealth, but that doesn’t keep people from playing with the merchandise.

Flash back to 1986 and sing it with us now: “Sex is best when it’s…one on one.”

Nearly three-quarters of women say penis size does matter.

 

Cyber sex

Web sites for adult education—and we don’t mean porn

Believe it or not, there really are some sexually educational sites on the web that have nothing to do with porn (we’re confident you can find that yourself with no problems). The following is just a sample.

www.cuff-va.com The Charlottesville Underground Fetish Fellowship sums itself up as safe, sane and consensual. We’d like to add educational. This site provides information on a variety of topics (and levels) along with a social network for adults who share interests in bondage, discipline, fetishism, cross-dressing, dominance and submission. Find out about monthly meetings, get directions to Club 216, or learn the full meaning of the word “pansexual.”

www.solotouch.com Our survey might be devoted to those who have a partner, but what about those who choose to go it alone? The purpose of this site is to help men and women of all ages develop a positive attitude toward their own bodies and sexuality. Translation: masturbation is neither strange nor abnormal, so get with it, would ya? Techniques, tools, toys and readers’ contributions—this site has all the advice you need for a romantic evening alone.

www.ashastd.org Sponsored by the American Social Health Association, this is the authority for sexually transmitted diseases and their prevention. The Herpes Resource Center, the Cervical Cancer Prevention Project, help centers in your area and in-depth information on various diseases—this is a one-stop resource for STDs. The site also has approved treatment guidelines recommended by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

www.The-penis.com Does size matter? Premature ejaculation problems? This site might be the only place in the world where it really is all about Mr. Happy. Learn about more satisfying positions, male menopause and the mid-life crisis. Note: If you’re losing your drive, ambition, enthusiasm for sex, life and love, this is the site for answers. There’s even a complete penis page to check out lumps, bumps, spots and unwanted hair—a good place to answer all those questions you’re too afraid to ask.

www.ncsfreedom.org Brought to you by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, this site has its roots firmly embedded in privacy rights to the people. The NCSF even offers you recent outspoken politician du jour Senator Rick Santorum’s personal e-mail address and a previously edited script: “Tell Santorum that consenting adults do have the right to privacy in their own homes, and that his moral objections to adult consensual sexual activity affects millions of people. Tell the Senator that he doesn’t have any business being in the bedrooms of his constituents.”

www.womenrussia.com For gents desperately (like, desperately) in need a partner, we give you the first site ever created about Russian women by Russian women. But this isn’t your typical mail-order Russian bride site. It tells the truth about who they are, what they like and why they are so available. Cultural misunderstandings aside, you might be surprised by what you find. “Do not apply to women from Moscow or St. Petersburg,” the site advises. “These cities have completely different conditions of life from the rest of Russia. Some foreigners told me that Moscow and St. Petersburg were not Russian cities, they are rather European. Women there have better chances to meet foreigners as many agencies organize tours with socials to those destinations, and ladies are becoming spoilt and demanding.” Who knew?

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