A laughing matter

A laughing matter


Dear Ace: Know any jokes?—Humor S. Thompson

Dear Humor: Hey, was a Moses a Jew? Ace Atkins, master punster, was voted by his high school classmates Most Likely to Get a Laugh! Though some advance the theory that Ace’s unusual visage and inebriated pratfalls earned him the title, Ace knows that it was really his sense of the ridiculous—and his timing—that made the difference. Does Ace know any jokes? Indeed!
    Ace could share one of his all-time favorites, involving an octupus, a bartender and a bagpipe. But even Ace knows the bounds of discretion, by which he means it’s a very dirty joke and unsuitable for the mixed audiences that Ace has cultivated in this column through the years.
    So here’s another. Use liberally.
    A guy falls ill. He’s very sick—heart attack, swollen organs, the whole thing. He’s taken to a Catholic hospital where he’s well tended to and eventually nursed back to health.
    When he’s on the mend, he’s visited by a hospital administrator. “Mr. Jones,” the administrator says, “we have to talk about your medical bills. Do you have any insurance?”
    “No, I don’t.”
    “I see,” says the administrator. “Do you have any money?”
    “No, I’m broke,” comes Jones’ reply.
    “Do you have a wife, Mr. Jones, or children who can help you out?”
    “I do not,” says Jones. “I’m single. The only family I have is my spinster sister. She’s a nun.”
    The adminstrator bristles at this. “I have to object, Mr. Jones,” she says. “Nuns are not spinsters. They are married to God.”
    “In that case,” says Jones, “talk to my brother-in-law about the bill.”
    Ba-dum-dum. Don’t forget to tip your waitress. Ace will be here all week.

Posted In:     News

Previous Post

Jan Cornell is Opinionated

Next Post

UVA ranks among top schools for African-Americans



Our comments system is designed to foster a lively debate of ideas, offer a forum for the exchange of ad hoc information, and solicit honest, respectful feedback about the work we do. We’re glad you’re participating. Here are a few simple rules to follow, which should be relatively straightforward.

1) Don’t call people names or accuse them of things you cannot support.
2) Don’t direct foul language, racial slurs, or offensive terms at other commenters or our staff.
3) Don’t use the discussion on our site for commercial (or shameless personal) promotion.

We reserve the right to remove posts and ban commenters who violate any of the rules listed above, or the spirit of the discussion. We’re trying to create a safe space for a wide range of people to express themselves, and we believe that goal can only be achieved through thoughtful, sensitive editorial control.

If you have questions or comments about our policies or about a specific post, please send an e-mail to editor@c-ville.com.

Leave a Reply

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of