Happy birthday, MTV

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“My Super Sweet 16”
Tuesday 10:30pm, MTV

I am so embarrassed for everyone involved in this program. I’m embarrassed for the “stars,” who throw childish fits and go power-mad while preparing for their big 16th birthday bashes. I’m embarrassed for the parents, who seem totally comfortable with blowing thousands of dollars on lavish parties for their little brats—inviting practically the entire school, hiring national pop stars to perform, buying gowns even a stripper would find tacky (and don’t forget the obligatory hot new car the urchins invariably demand). And I’m embarrassed for viewers, who implicitly encourage this type of shameful behavior by continuing to tune in. It doesn’t matter if you laugh, because 50 more wannabes are harassing their parents to take out third mortgages to pay for their stupid parties so they can be just like these idiots. Stop the madness, people.

“Made”
Monday 4:30pm, MTV

Of all of MTV’s reality fare—and that’s pretty much all the network has to offer these days—“Made” is the most redeemable option. In each episode, a teen is “made” into something else. It can be pretty superficial, like the goth girl who wants to become a cheerleader—but sometimes the show offers some genuine life lessons, as it did when it helped a blonde ditz become a rugby player. But the message is generally a good one: Broaden your horizons, teens, and if you want something different, go out and get it. What’s not to like?

“Fresh Meat”
Monday 10pm, MTV

In a hilarious turn of events, the fame whores entrenched in the incestuous “Real World” and “Road Rules” franchises have apparently become tired of humiliating themselves in the “Challenge” shows (in which the pseudo-stars perform various stunts in an effort to score some minor-league cash). So now the producers have paired up the “alumni” (contestants from previous seasons of “RW” and “RR”) with the titular, aptly named “fresh meat” (aspiring fame whores who have not yet had their souls crushed by being totally ignored at The Tropicana, despite having done Jell-O shots off a hooker on national TV). It’s all very stupid, with little to offer besides nonstop backstabbing and bitchery. But I’ll admit to kind of loving it.

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