“American Music Awards,” “Skating with the Stars,” “Futurama Holiday Spectacular”


“American Music Awards”

Sunday 8pm, ABC

You know who doesn’t get enough recognition? The pop stars, rockers, country crooners and rappers who make millions of dollars per year releasing chart-topping singles and albums. Well God bless Dick Clark for making sure these unsung heroes get yet more attention by creating this totally bullshit awards ceremony. Unlike the Grammys, which are decided by music-industry professionals, the AMAs are selected by popular vote. In other words, it’s a popularity contest, so expect lots of awards going to the likes of Justin Bieber, or whatever other zygote currently has a song that 11-year-old girls keep shrieking over and over again. Performers include Katy Perry, Ke$ha (vomit), Bon Jovi, Usher, and kind of awesomely, the Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block together. But where’s my favorite boy band, O-Town? (Don’t laugh, it’s true!)

“Skating with the Stars”

Monday 9pm, ABC

Back in 2006, when “Dancing with the Stars” was still growing into the reality juggernaut it has become, Fox launched an ill-fated rip-off called “Skating with Celebrities,” in which has-beens strapped on skates instead of dancing shoes. Original Buffy the Vampire Slayer Kristy Swanson won (snort), and it lasted only one season. Now ABC is ripping off its own show with this six-episode spin-off that features soap star Rebecca Budig, “Real Housewife” Bethenny Frankel, Olympian Jonny Moseley, ’tween “star” Brandon Mychal Smith and, most shamefully, Mötley Crüe singer Vince Neil and formerly respected actress Sean Young, all learning how to ice dance. My, you can almost taste the desperation. (It has a rich, salty flavor, like tears.) They’ll be paired with a bunch of ice dancers I’ve never heard of in an attempt to secure one last burst of fame without embarrassing themselves too much. My money’s on Frankel for the win, and for Young to bring the CRAZY!


“Futurama Holiday Spectacular”

Sunday 10pm, Comedy Central

It’s not even Thanksgiving but the holiday specials are upon us. This three-parter features the Planet Express crew hurtling through space in the 31st century to preserve the classic holiday traditions of Xmas, Kwanzaa, and Robanukah. Along the way, Fry, Bender and Leela encounter the homicidal Kringlebot, droidls, Al Gore’s head in a jar, albino humping worms, wrestling fembots, musical numbers and giant space bees. And somehow Coolio is involved. Because it isn’t really the holidays without Coolio, am I right?