Summer’s on its way out and with it go the breezy drinks that require little more thought than “what time is it anyway?” Let’s brush up a bit on the beverage that makes adulthood and the return to routine much more bearable.
1. What are the by-products of wine’s fermentation process?
a) Sugar and vinegar
b) Uranium and currants
c) Alcohol and carbon dioxide
d) Lewd comments and public urination
2. What’s the most common way to make a wine sweet?
a) By halting fermentation early
b) By adding frozen cans of grape juice concentrate to the tanks
c) By adding a sugar cube to each bottle
d) By saying really nice things to it
3. What should you do at a restaurant when a server pours you a taste of the wine you’ve just ordered?
a) Shoot it back and then ask for a refill
b) Smell it and nod your approval
c) Close your eyes and pretend you’re asleep
d) Return it no matter what—you should never accept the first wine you’re brought
4. The astringent, saliva-sucking quality in big red wines comes from
a) Drinking too much of it
c) Being filtered through a pair of woolen socks
d) Skins, seeds, stems, and oak exposure
5. What does it mean when a wine is described as flabby?
a) It is especially caloric
b) It lacks acidity
c) It’s young and hasn’t shed its baby fat
d) It’s let itself go
6. What are wine legs?
a) The wobbly sensation you get after dinner when it’s time to stand up
b) The brand’s marketing and social media teams
c) Its stems
d) The rivulets left on the inside of the glass after swirling
7. Which of the following quotations about wine is not attributable to someone famous?
a) “You haven’t drunk too much wine if you can still lie on the floor without holding on.”
b) “I can’t feel my face.”
c) “Wine, from long habit has become an indispensable for my health.”
d) “What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?”
8. What does it mean when a wine is corked?
a) It’s sealed with a cork instead of a screw cap
b) You’ve been cut off
c) It’s tainted with a chemical compound called TCA
d) You’ve finished the whole bottle
9. Which of the following is not the name of a grape?
10. Wine is best stored on its side to prevent
a) the cork from drying out
b) premature cork poppage
c) reverse osmosis
d) spontaneous combustion
How’d you do?
Answered 8 to 10 questions correctly? Look who’s a wine wizard! Celebrate your know-it-allness with a bottle of every wine geek’s favorite—Riesling.
Answered 4 to 7 questions correctly? You are a budding wino! With a few weeks of extensive tasting and tutoring, you could be a wiz. You buy the wine and I’ll bring some runny cheese.
Answered 0 to 3 questions correctly? You are already drunk. Enjoy your evening and try again in the morning.
1. c, 2. a, 3. b, 4. d, 5. b, 6. d, 7. b, 8. c, 9. d, 10. a.