Remember when you used to play “opposite day” as a kid? You don’t? O.K., what about Kris Kross, those early ’90s pre-teen rappers who wore their clothes backwards—surely you remember them? No?
All right, fine, whatever. The point we’re trying to make is that there are times, especially in the topsy-turvy world of politics, when everything feels upside-down and backwards. And this, dear friends, is definitely one of those times. Don’t believe us? Well, just take a gander at the following list of truly inexplicable events:
• Speaking at a conference on “Race, Slavery and Civil War,” Governor Bob McDonnell apologized profusely for his April “Confederate History Month” proclamation that failed to mention slavery. Furthermore, he decreed that, going forward, the annual observance would be called “Civil War in Virginia Month”—a decision that prompted the exquisitely named Brag Bowling, one-time Virginia commander of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, to call the governor “cowardly,” and complain that McDonnell “didn’t have the intestinal fortitude to stand up to his political enemies or the media.”
• The day after that conference, the Washington Post reported that McDonnell—previously a well-known tough-on-crime attorney general—is currently restoring felons’ voting rights at a faster clip than either of his immediate Democratic predecessors.
• Following an extensive audit, it was revealed that the Virginia Department of Transportation is one of the rare non-profligate government agencies. In fact, according to the report, VDOT has a billion extra bucks just sitting around, waiting for someone to spend it. (Get ready to see a bunch of potholes filled with soiled greenbacks in the very near future.)
And so, with all of this counter-intuitive insanity going on, we can now firmly predict that Dr. Wynne LeGrow is going to be next U.S. Representative from Virginia’s Fourth Congressional District. Who is Dr. Wynne LeGrow, you ask? Well, before we answer that, let’s take a look at his opponent, incumbent Representative Randy Forbes.
First elected in 2001, Forbes is a lawyer and Sunday school teacher who founded the Congressional Prayer Caucus, successfully lobbied to get the phrase “In God We Trust” added to the new Capitol Visitor Center, sponsored legislation to have the phrase posted in every public building and classroom, and pushed a measure that would require Congress to affirm that “the Holy Bible is God’s word.”
And Wynne LeGrow? Well, he’s a retired doctor who’s never run for office before. Oh yeah—he’s also an avowed atheist.
As you can imagine, this is a fairly nontraditional stance for a politician, whose use of the word “God” is typically second only to the other sacred words: “Please contribute.” Which is why LeGrow is having trouble garnering support, even inside his own party. (State Delegate Lionell Spruill, for instance, told the Virginian-Pilot, “I can’t take him to churches as an atheist…That would hurt me.”)
But with all of the political craziness in the air these days, we’re absolutely convinced that LeGrow can win this one. In fact, so much weird stuff has been happening lately, we wouldn’t be surprised if he unveils an official endorsement from Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli soon.
So Dr. LeGrow, here’s to pulling off the upset of the century! Good luck, and Godspeed.
Or, you know, just speed.