It's hard to find love if you're not out there

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Women love giving each other dating advice and “stop looking, you’ll find love when you least expect it” is at the top of the list.  On one level, that’s right. When you try to force love you’re more likely to appear needy. And that’s unattractive. However, you can’t just stop getting out there and then somehow expect love to materialize in the midst of your regular routine. So, what are you supposed to do? Get your needs met and take steps to create a life that’s completely fulfilling. Trust that the right person will show up when you’re living a life you’re passionate about.

Singles worry about seeming desperate. And you know what? That’s how you’ll come across if you have unmet emotional needs. We all require nurturing, support, understanding, and encouragement. Singles tolerate loneliness, yes, but they need to recognize that it’s a sign they’re not getting what they need. If you’re single try to develop more intimate friendships with people of all ages and genders. It’s an absolute prerequisite for emotional fulfillment and it’s like money in the bank. You’ll be confident and you won’t hang onto prospects that aren’t right.

As you’re beefing up your social circle, restore passion in your life.  When’s the last time you had butterflies in your stomach? And I’m not talking about buying a new pair of shoes or gorging on sweets. It’s easy to let your life stagnate. Monday through Friday you’re stressed from work and you fall into a routine. You wake at the same time every morning, take the same route to work, eat the same food for lunch with the same people, and solve the same problems, everyday, over and over. How many times have you found love driving to work, standing in line for your morning cup of coffee, or on the weekend shopping at Kroger? Not likely. 

Make your life as vibrant and brilliant as possible. Do new things, get out of your comfort zone, and go on a happiness quest.  Jealousy gets a bad rap but it’s a great way to discover what you really want. I envied my friends who are runners. “I could never do that,” I’d say, until I realized I wanted to be one of them. I got off the couch and my life expanded immeasurably. When you’re living a life you adore, you’ll naturally meet people and the right mate will show up along the way.

I’ve given this advice often enough that I know what the response might be: “How do I trust that love will happen for me?” Fear can shut your life down if you let it, since what you focus on—the anxiety—expands. When you notice it, say “stop!” and return your attention to the present moment. A good way to do that is to concentrate on your breathing. Stay open and undefended and remember you’ve got everything you need. Finding love is only a matter of time.

What gives you butterflies in your stomach? Drop a line to mailbag@c-ville.com or 308 E. Main St., 22902, or go online to c-ville.com and post a comment now!

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