Gaffe it up

Gaffe it up

We’re sure you all remember how Virgil Goode’s attack ad brought Tom Perriello’s ex-beard back to life, but do you remember how the ad labeled Perriello?

Well, here we are again at the squeaky-clean beginning of another political season, with an entire year of yet-to-be uncovered scandals and unuttered gaffes stretching out before us like the world’s most delectable (or unappetizing, depending on your state of mind) C-SPAN buffet. And what better way to celebrate, we say, than to gaze with awe upon the amazing election year we’ve left behind? So put on your thinking cap, pull out your political almanac, and see how many Odd electoral facts you actually learned over the course of our inaugural year.

In 2008, Virginia became the must-have accessory for any aspiring U.S. president, and thus fertile ground for potential vice presidential candidates. See if you can match the rumored VP pick with his carefully considered initial reaction:

1)    Tim Kaine
2)    Jim Webb
3)    Mark Warner
4)    Eric Cantor

a)    “My kids think it’s really cool that my name is even there.”
b)    “I’m not expecting it, not counting on it, certainly didn’t endorse the Senator with any plan to get anything out of it.”
c)    “Under no circumstances will I be a candidate for vice president.”
d)    “I could not imagine someone that would be better served and better suited to be the next vice president of the United States than Tim Kaine.”

5)    During the heated final month of the presidential campaign, what did a McCain spokesperson call Northern Virginia?

a)    “Communist country”   
b)    Not “Real Virginia”
c)    “The key to this election”
d)    All of the above

6)    On the September 24, 2008 edition of “The Today Show,” former senator George Allen insisted that three key issues would deliver Virginia to John McCain. What were they?

a)    “National security, energy security, lower taxes”
b)    “Gun rights, gay rights, abortion rights”
c)    “Integration, aggravation, obligation to our nation”
d)    “Location, location, location”

7)    In describing the legendary fundraising ability of potential Virginia gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe, Paul Begala employed what colorful metaphor?

a)    “Terry could sell moonshine to a Mormon.”
b)    “Terry could sell shit to the zoo.”
c)    “Terry could sell a blue Gap dress to Hillary Clinton.”
d)    “Terry could sell a Credit Default Swap to Paul Krugman.”

8)    Reflecting upon the life and times of his retiring boss, Senator John Warner’s driver recounted a 1996 incident in which a man approached Warner and remarked, “You look kind of like that senator, John Warner.” After Warner coyly responded, “Yeah, I get that a lot,” what was the inquisitive constituent’s reply?

a)    “Does your wife look like Elizabeth Taylor?”
b)    “Well, I guess it’s better than looking like Henry Waxman.”
c)    “Makes you feel like hell, don’t it?”
d)    “’Course, he dresses a lot better’n you.”

9)    In his most notorious attack ad, what horrible name did U.S. Representative Virgil Goode call his bearded, dark-skinned opponent, Tom Perriello?

a)    A Massachusetts liberal
b)    A New York lawyer
c)    A San Francisco atheist
d)    An occasionally unphotogenic do-gooder

10)    After being held without charges for 10 days in the Pamunkey Regional Jail, Italian law student Domenico Salerno nervously asked his Alexandria-area girlfriend if Virginia had what?

a)    A decent, locally bottled Prosecco
b)    A functioning public defender’s office
c)    A thing against Italians
d)    The death penalty

Answers: 1-b, 2-c, 3-d, 4-a, 5-d, 6-a, 7-b, 8-c, 9-b, 10-d